my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Terrible idea I love it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
