yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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