now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
