Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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