I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
