call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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