If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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