im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
