she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
