So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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