OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My ass is underappreciated
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
