i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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