I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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