she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
sex in a hospital.. check
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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