I must be too annoying 4 u.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
