sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
