Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
