it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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