I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
