She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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