you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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