The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just googled if crying burns calories
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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