Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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