the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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