I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
