When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
