sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
