i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
