There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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