Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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