You can't special order awesome
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize