Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
