I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
