I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
