Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
