she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
There's even glitter on my cock...
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