I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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