I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
