We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
