a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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