on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
