somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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