we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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