i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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