there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
