I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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