ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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