I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
