Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
