first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
