morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
