I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
