I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize