just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He better not be in your backpack
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
