We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize