And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
