Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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