I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
