Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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