hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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