so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
