so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
