Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
