I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My breasts were aching with rage.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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