well you can't waste a boner
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
