Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
