I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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