just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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