Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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