I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize