I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
